Genre: Angst, drama
Summary: The four types of love, and how they have affected Anakin Skywalker's life.
Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amidala, Ahsoka Tano
Spoilers: Clone Wars, 2003 Clone Wars series, ROTS
HEAVEN HELPS THE MAN who fights his fear
Love's the only thing that keeps me here
You're the reason that I'm hanging on
My heart's staying where my heart belongs
Shmi Skywalker was the first person Anakin could remember loving. He’d loved his mother with all of the blind affection of a child. He knew that there were reasons why her face was so lined when she was so young, but when he was younger, he just assumed it was because Watto had him racing. As he grew up, he began to understand that it was partially that, but also that it was hard for a human slave woman to survive on a planet dominated by a crime lord.
He’d never seen anything wrong, but he was gone during the majority of the day. Shmi loved him too much to show that anything was wrong.
She was his mother. He’d killed the Tusken Raiders because they killed her.
She was his first love.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was the brother he’d never had. He’d always wanted a sibling, but whenever he broached the subject with his mother, she’d always smiled tiredly and ruffled his hair.
Obi-Wan was the stuffy, prissy older brother who would have been perfectly happy to be a monk in one of those really old monasteries where they were voluntarily celibate. Yet Obi-Wan could be fun, since he only really loosened up whenever they were in a fight. And when Anakin was around, especially with a lightsaber, fights were bound to happen.
They had a bond, forged through shared blood and tears that came from saving each other’s lives on a daily basis. Obi-Wan could trust Anakin with almost anything, and he him. Yet there were things Anakin would not, could not, tell Obi-Wan. Padme was one, and later, there were some others.
He could only admit he loved Obi-Wan after Mustafar, when he knew he had lost his brother forever. But what he could he tell Obi-Wan to make him understand? I had to do it, why don’t you get it, Master?
Obi-Wan turned into one of the biggest regrets he’d ever had.
Padme was his heart. She was his center, the reason why he fought. Yet they couldn’t stand to be more than a few days in each other’s presence. They argued too much.
She always wanted all of Anakin, but he couldn’t give her that. There was too much baggage in his past, too many issues than she could possibly understand. Padme grew up cosseted and happy in Theed, too intent on fighting for her specific people than to worry about the rest of the galaxy, Tatooine had been a horrible wake up call for her. She still couldn’t possibly deal with everything he saw everyday. So he preferred to hide parts of himself.
Yet he loved her desperately. It had taken him ten years to realize that a chance meeting in a little mechanic shop had ensured that he would love her for the rest of his life. Even if it meant he loved her from afar.
Padme may have been his heart, but she wasn’t his other half.
He’d been irritated by her the first time they met, and much longer along their road, Ahsoka had admitted she’d been obnoxious because she was afraid to be rejected by him, and so she’d covered it up with that obnoxious veneer.
It was hard for him to admit now, but he could not imagine a future without his padawan by his side.
Oh, he knew the Council hated their obvious attachment. He knew that there was a likely chance that the Council would separate them, especially after the debacle with Bane. He had broached the subject with her, once, but she’d simply looked at him. “I’m with you, Skyguy. Always.”
Ahsoka had never been a girl of few words, but in this instance, her words were perfect.
By the time Grievous invaded Coruscant, they had indeed been separated, since their “attachment” was keeping them from fighting efficiently. Yet Ahsoka had found Anakin after the press brouhaha was over and the Chancellor had been saved. He’d already had an inkling of what was coming, and he told her to go the moon of Endor, where he’d find her there.
And he did indeed, but not as himself as she’d known him.
Yet she still attached herself to his side, trusting him to look out for her, just as she had for him. She was quite an invaluable personage to have on his side. She became his own Hand, one never known to the Emperor or the Rebels.
While Luke watched his father’s body burn, he noticed someone he’d never seen before hidden in the shadows. She wore the traditional Jedi robe, something that surprised him. From the glimmer of firelight, he could see white facial markings on orange skin. The light hit something like a tear trailing down her cheek, and then she was gone.